OK, yeah, so I'm going to pay Pretty Penny a couple hundred thousand dollars per year so she can sit behind a desk and deliver a report from a hot tip on twitter from Vinnie the gas man.
I mean, do weather and traffic folks do any work anymore?
WEATHERMAN: It's appears like it's going to be hot day today. We got a tip from 75-year-old, Sally Peterman who says Pasadena is 87 degrees already but feels like 95.
So let me get this straight. The station invested in all this weather equipment that can measure how much water is in a stinkin' cumulonimbus cloud but Sally's got the real scoop. So why the $%*# don't we just get this old babe into the newsroom and she can give me the weather. If being out in it is the only qualification for weather reporting these days, then I can cut your salary, have a bunch of people take a morning stroll and come back in and tell us how the hell it felt.
Oh, and by the way, I don't need a stupid reporter out in a hurricane to tell me it's windy. Remember this stupidity?
It's bad enough I have to listen to eight different morons get interviewed whenever it rains out here because the anchors have nothing better to do than find out how people in a desert climate handle themselves when they get wet, now I have to have them actually give me the weather report.
Hour after hour of these people which the networks touted as brave. I tout them as the biggest ass-kissers on the planet, because you must be sucking someone's you know what for a promotion to be this pointless. Either that or you rank somewhere between ant and mud.
Traffic isn't a whole better -- this kind of thing sound familiar?
TRAFFIC GIRL: We're getting reports of an accident on the 405 freeway. Tipster Tony called in with this report.
TIPSTER TONY: Truck jack-knifed after some idiot motorcycle cut him off. Hell I'd have hit the bastard for pulling that, but this guy just honked, then lost control. Tore through three other cars before BOOM, hitting the divider, know whatta mean?
So while you were sipping on your morning latte Traffic Girl and doing nothing but staring at the highway cams, Tipster Tony gave us some really useful stuff in his own, you know, charming way.
I can understand cutting to some person in a helicopter flying over Los Angeles, but then again, that's kind of distracting the pilot of an airborne vehicle -- not something that is probably encouraged by the good folks at the FAA or TSA, you know, the group that shows up to piece back together said vehicle after it slams into the ground.
As for news reporters reading Twitter feeds, seriously, I don't sign on to hear the day's happenings so that Trucker Ted can weigh in on whether he thought it had any meaning. It's bad enough most folks can't spell their, there or they're, or you your and you're, but now I've got to hear what they wrote in broken English read on the television.
NEWSPERSON: We have a reaction to the snow up in the grapevine from Trucker Ted, who tweets, 'your gonna be stuck good w/out a plow.' Detailed information from someone out in this mess.
This is our future folks. People paid to look pretty taking over the news desks from people who knew what culpability is (Seriously, Sean Hannity got caught using footage from a totally separate event in his story about a rally once and he was nabbed by of all people...Jon Stewart), and folks in the street given as much news cred as they are street cred.
Considering CNN has eliminated its entire Investigative Reporting arm, apparently they feel that the typical yahoo on the street will provide far more insight than the yahoo in the studio.
Either way now, your news is delivered by yahoos....and besides the boob job and bleached hair and fake tan, if you put both yahoos next to each other, I'm sure it'd be hard to tell the difference.
(any offense taken by the actual yahoo website at the use of the word 'yahoo' to mean local simpleton is on them for choosing a name that could have several meanings.)
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