How many times do you wake up on a Monday in Los Angeles dreading the rush hour traffic in your future only to find out that for some reason it's dead. Traffic in Los Angeles is as predictable as a hurricane. So below I've given you a pretty good indicator of the type of traffic you'll encounter on each given day and the possible reasons why.
MONDAY
CONDITIONS:
Morning - Where the hell is everyone.? Does anyone work in this town? Those that are out driving aren't hurrying to get to work. They rarely cut you off, gladly allowing one more car length in front of them if it means the inevitable arrival at the office. In fact, some don't even look like they're truly alive. It's clear executives are opting for noon as a better starting time. Others don't go in at all because they can work from home. Those people suck.
Evening - Where did all these cars come from? Wait a second, no one going in should mean no one coming home. The math doesn't add up. WTF?
REASON: There's a Monday malaise that hangs over this city about actually starting the work week. Some people have made it to the gym, but most are catching later zzzzzs after partying a little too hard over the weekend. And after all, it's just one day. Work from home, get up early the next day. If there's something you can put off until tomorrow, Monday is the day to do it. If they're driving they're too busy enjoying their morning coffee or catching up texts from the weekend to actually drive.
In the evening, no one delays going home, and some drive home, go back and get another car they left parked at the company garage to take it home too.
TUESDAY
CONDITIONS:
Morning - Rubber marks are all over the road from people trying to burn through intersections. Many even block intersections because screw you buddy, it's Tuesday. Amped up coffee drinkers are flipping off people more often them they are braking. You have no chance if you try to race someone to the spot for an open lane change.
Evening - A mish-mash of people trying to make late drinks meetings and dinners, and others again trying to get home.
REASON: Everyone screwed up Monday. No one wants to be late again, and everyone has too many calls and meetings they need to get done to justify Monday's crappy attitude. After all, it's almost Wednesday and by then the week is half over.
In the evening, everyone is losing patience already. Family husbands are hoping for a better dinner than Monday. No one's wife has any desire to cook Monday.
WEDNESDAY
CONDITIONS:
Morning: Plenty of cars, and plenty of traffic, but nothing intolerable. You'll get through a good portion of your favorite radio show and might get through your coffee. You're likely moving.
Evening: Where the heck is everyone?
REASON: The week is in full swing. Friday isn't close enough for people to slack off yet but everyone is dreading their mid week lunch with the client they spent Monday and Tuesday getting ready for.
In the evening, people are working late. Mid-week Happy Hour is as good as any so some folks have hit the bar at 5pm. Other are still making up for Monday.
THURSDAY
CONDITIONS:
Morning - If cars could be in a good mood, well damn you'd see if here. It may be busy but it's less frantic drivers, content to make some calls from their cars and let you in at the same time. Flow is more even keel and more purposeful.
Evening - Packed to the nines... the second coming of automobile Hell!
REASON: It's clear people are more excited about what Thursday evening portends. It's like each person is expecting a free trip to Disneyland.
In the evening, they no longer care about stupid Disneyland. Holy Schnikeys! Everyone's racing around trying to get to some Thursday night event, feeling that if they get a little drunk Thursday it'll be OK. After, all Thursday is an adjunct to the weekend. Oh, and then there is Mr. Rich Executive who feels like it's fine if he/she takes a three-day weekend.
FRIDAY
CONDITIONS:
Morning - Similar to Monday's. People aren't rushing to get into work but there is some pace to and flow to traffic.
Evening - I might take this steering wheel and hurl it through my windshield.
REASON: Thank the Lord for those hoity-toity folks who take three-day weekends. Less cars means better commute, and those that are driving are slightly hung over and feel like just getting to work without causing an accident is a coup.
In the evening, Friday night is well, you know, bad. Like really bad. Like bring a novel, a drink, your music, and your imagination. You'll use all of them. People are in a rush to go home but they all leave work around the same time, and all are convinced they belong in the same turn lane at the same time.
KEEP, LEARN and MEMORIZE and don't be surprised if everything changes next week after the next earthquake.
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