Football - Why criticize kids who put buckets on their heads and ram their heads into walls? There is untapped value there.
Soccer - Who said a foot fetish is a bad thing?
Curling - You have a great future as a floor cleaner.
Cricket - We don't wear anything for Rugby, but we aren't crazy.
Rugby - At least we don't wear those silly pads that Americans do.
Golf - If you understand fetch, you'll do fine, just please don't return it.
Baseball - Sure you were scolded as kids from throwing things at each other. But hopefully that just forced you to throw it faster.
Darts - Needles with wings. No danger here.
Archery - If the device holding the ammunition has to be modernized to keep it steady, it's time to look elsewhere.
Skeet Shooting - Kill that plaster animal. KILL IT!
Downhill Skiing - stick your head out of a moving car and have someone blow snow in your face.
Nascar - Drivers actually can learn how to speed where they won't get a ticket.
Ski Jumping - There are better ways to kill yourself that don't involve Jim McKay repeatedly calling it the 'agony of defeat'.
Ice Hockey - Try golfing while inside the moving cart.
Figure Skating - Because ballet didn't have enough challenge to it, but you're still not getting bundled up.
Modern Dance - Moving metaphors that few understand set to music no one has ever heard.
Pole Vaulting - You say you like jumping? Why not use a ____insert name of long item here___
Discus Throwing - Frisbee weightlifting anyone?
Running - the cruelest of all sports. The more you do, the more you have to do in order to get the same benefit of the previous things you did. It's the only sport where the body becomes more efficient in a negative way, akin to using the bathroom and the more you go, the less you get things out of your body. A marathon runner would be sitting for years.
UFC - fights in elementary school should be labeled as "training".
Boxing - same fights in elementary school, but with the outcome predetermined by the school bookie.
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