It's kind of funny actually to have someone completely lose their lunch because you speak to their tendency to simply use their platform (i.e. blog) as a place to lambaste political figures with laced tirades of anger while attempting to be funny, and then be sensitive to the push back. Kind of similar to the guy in the White House, who can be very charming at times, and even humorous, but cannot take one single word of criticism pointed his way.
Anyway, this person, who we'll call Ted for the hell of it, got himself kicked off Facebook for a week because his inability to accept those words and then began threatening my family and harassing me, while at the same time claiming victim-hood. Naturally, I reported it and he was furious. He took to every other social platform he could to make sure that he as a 'victim' wouldn't be 'bullied' while calling me every epithet in the book, criticizing my life, my career choices, etc. and pushing the idea that I am very unsuccessful, according to him. He also called my workplace seven times, thus actually crossing into true harassment, which is a misdemeanor.
Now, it would be easy accept his words as truths. Things don't always work out as you had imagined in the grand plan you set for yourself. Also, many things aren't always in your control. To quote or paraphrase many wise axioms: Life is a journey, not a destination; Life's often what happens while you're busy making other plans; you pray you can control what you can, accept the things you cannot control, and more importantly, know the difference between the two. And the list goes on and on.
Me, I have no inherent talent for office politics. Oh, I could kiss some ass with the best of them, but I generally wear my emotions on my sleeve, which has both benefits and detriments. The benefit is, with me, in general, you know where you stand. I work out conflicts quickly before they fester into unwieldy conflagrations, and my friendships tend to last for a long time with similar people. The detriment is that you know I'm miffed when I'm miffed. And if you're the type of person who can't handle or accept that you have the ability to offend, and at the same time can't take the time to understand another point of view, well, then we're at an impasse generally. I don't love asking for help and am not the best at working my contacts to my advantage. I can say I've helped a lot more people get to places than have helped me. That's me.
Either way, Ted went on to declare me unsuccessful, an incredible statement considering he and I haven't seen each other in probably eight or nine years. Naturally, everything he says is of the ultimate hyperbole. But it did get me thinking.
I've always had a chip on my shoulder about the word 'success'. It's what drives a lot of men, including me, to work incredibly hard so that we can be seen or feel as though our peers view us as such.
When I first got to Hollywood, I struggled to find a job in the industry. Again, I wasn't great at asking favors. I wanted to write and direct (gee, how original), but I didn't know you NEVER say this during a prospective interview in Hollywood, at least not in the early 1990's. You lie. You say you want to be the best assistant to whomever you'll be working for and that you hope you'll be lucky enough to get a project made. You don't tell them anything that would make them think you won't be one hundred percent dedicated to them, like a slave. I didn't know this. Took me a year or so to get a job in a mail room.
But right away I wanted to find my own projects. Early on, I met producer Raju Patel, the guy who produced Bachelor Party. He told me I should go find my own project and get it made. He didn't say how, or make any point that it certainly helps to have family wealth (which he may have had), but it was what I wanted to do. Eventually, I started a company with two partners. Naive as I was, I had a good eye for talented writers and had a knack for working out ideas. Ironically, I didn't have a dark childhood, and so my own storytelling at the time, informed mostly by my youth, wasn't what Hollywood was buying. So I developed stories with my partners, and figured that if the project was worthy enough, the other stuff would fall into place. Wrong. I didn't know much about money, or financing, and I didn't really understand it. In hindsight, man I should have taken a course.
After five or so years, and some really close calls to getting projects off the ground, it became clear the company needed to find more ways to monetize, and even if the projects we had did get made, we'd have to divide that income by the five years we'd been around to really see what we were making. As you can imagine, it wasn't a living. I was crushed because I thought it was my future. But I moved on.
I went on to do many things, writing scripts, doing stand-up for several years, auditioning blindly and getting into the revived Second City Conservatory in LA. I tried all sorts of things I had wanted to do but didn't have the courage when I was younger. But none of them led to a career. None of them made great money. And none of them was a brand I could build on. You have to be pretty egocentric to brand yourself and sell you.... I'm egocentric, but clearly not THAT egocentric.
So, I'm sure to Ted, if you look at the list of things I did but didn't financially succeed at, I am a failure.
I'm his greatest fear.
I'm a guy who decided I didn't love a portion of the people who populated Hollywood enough to put up with so much dishonesty and bologna. Like submitting a fantastically written period piece, having readers unanimously say it's great, have producer's say they want to get involved and get involved and then have so many people say "Are you crazy. You can't make a period piece with a woman." And then watch every awards show laud period pieces that had great women characters. That's Hollywood in a nutshell.
Yet I kept my job so I would have some stability, which allowed me to get married (what I wanted) and raise a family. It is also clear that stability is something my personality craves. I chose not to go back to school because it was so cost prohibitive, and instead took some real estate courses to educate myself on buying property, which my wife and I did.
I then entered the fantasy sports business, and I slaved away for that industry spending hours upon hours not only writing and reviewing articles, but prepping, sometimes producing and hosting podcasts, and trying to influence the professionalism of the content to some avail. To that end, I think I prevented the start up I joined from continuing down some pretty treacherous paths in television and on the radio. However, I wouldn't continue to do it for free, which is what was expected, so I left. It was an insult to all the work I had put in from the beginning, and the exploitation of young writers continues today.
I also have fought through panic disorder and being diagnosed ADHD at 35 years old.
I always wanted to be a daddy, even though I couldn't picture myself as one. Now I am, and it is the greatest thing I have ever done. I can't say enough about that experience.
My marriage is a continual work-in-progress, with a woman I love who works as hard at it as I do. I can't be much luckier.
For me, I still continue to write, and dream of course that the novel I'm currently writing will affect people in a way so profound that they'll want to not only read it, but encourage others to do so as well. But I am fairly content with the fact I have a great family, two incredible boys, am able to provide a safe home, good schooling, and a solid moral compass for my kids in a world that I fear is losing one. I have the greatest parents, sister, brother-in-law, niece and nephew and cousins. I've been blessed in so many ways that it is hard to actually complain about my lack of a hugely successful career.
And that's been my journey. For a long time maybe I craved some kind of fame or recognition from those that didn't know me. Many of us do, particularly if you made the long journey west in search of your 'fame and fortune' as they say. Defining success purely monetarily or anything else is a slippery slope.
I love the stories of mine that have been published...but I've had to redefine my original definition of success.
Success is whatever allows you to sleep at night. Success can be some, none or all of the things above. But the word 'success' or in Ted's case 'failure' is very narrow. To him, I'm a failure, and that's fine. Of course, to put such a label on me assumes many things, the most important of which is that somehow my life is over and decided. I can do nothing else. And I giggle at that, because as a writer, when I was twenty-two, I had nothing useful to say. Now that I'm in my forties and am a parent, I have plenty to write about. In my opinion, it has been this journey that has made my writing stronger, better and much more informed, not to mention more interesting.
So in this case, I wish Ted the best of luck failing like I did.
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