It would be disrespectful to say the events of February 14th in Florida were unique. The families of the victims of Sandy Hook would beg to differ.
But what has happened is that finally the country, particularly its youth, has decided it has had enough. Because of this, gun legislation is being given its first thoughtful consideration, which is a giant step because thoughtful consideration in past years involved both sides going to such paranoid extremes that only yelling resulted. The result will probably be the same here, but hey, more thought will go into it.
What hasn't undergone any change is
Americans views on events like this and what they mean. Some people call
it a tragedy perpetrated by a person of 'pure evil.' Others fall back on
the mental illness tract, calling for more action for people with mental
illness. Just what falls under the category of mental illness for these
folks is not yet fully understood.
As defined by the Mayo Clinic -
Mental illness refers to a wide range of mental health conditions - disorders that affect your mood, thinking and behavior. Examples of mental illness include depression, anxiety disorders, schizophrenia, eating disorders and addictive behaviors. Many people have mental health concerns from time to time.
So, just because you don't hear voices telling you to pull the plants out of your garden and build a monument to Jesus inside your house doesn't mean you haven't experience mental illness. If you've had an anxiety attack, you've experienced mental illness. If you've been depressed for longer than a few days, you've experienced mental illness. If you tend to think in absolutes, like THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS TO ME or I NEVER GET THIS, well, you may not yet be mentally ill. but your views on life are skewed and you might want to talk to someone.
So, just because you don't hear voices telling you to pull the plants out of your garden and build a monument to Jesus inside your house doesn't mean you haven't experience mental illness. If you've had an anxiety attack, you've experienced mental illness. If you've been depressed for longer than a few days, you've experienced mental illness. If you tend to think in absolutes, like THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS TO ME or I NEVER GET THIS, well, you may not yet be mentally ill. but your views on life are skewed and you might want to talk to someone.
The point is, that while we should and will continue to mourn the victims of this and other tragedies, the real tragedy is with the shooter.
 |
| This is a monster... |
I'll repeat that. The real tragedy in this country happened with the shooter, and it's not just because he was able to amass a weapons cache similar to that of a small armory.
 |
| This is Nikolas Cruz - a person. |
Gabe Parker, Andrew Charles Williams, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, Adam Lanza and Nikolas Crus --- these all were (are) teenagers. Besides Lanza, who was actually diagnosed as being autistic (Asperger's to be entirely correct), none of these kids came into this world destined to be a cold-blooded killer. That path wasn't set in stone, which is why when I hear people describing these children as "pure evil" or "monsters", I become incensed.
The act they committed was PURE EVIL or MONSTROUS. The person wasn't. What they did was HORRIFIC. How they got to that choice is tragic. Each of these perpetrators is a sad tragedy of a society that is failing its children every single day.
Take for example Nikolas Cruz. He was adopted. Right from the start, for whatever reason, his birth parent or parents didn't want him. His adopted father, Robert Cruz, died in 2004. His mother had died in November 2017. So now he's lost two sets of parents. His math teacher said he was a quiet kid but caused absolutely no problems. Since his mom died, he had been living in a friend's house due to being unhappy at home. Don't know who was looking after him. Today, I heard in a story that his adopted mother used to keep the refrigerator and pantry under lock and key -- a rather ominous idea if I've ever heard one. There were other warning signs that Cruz was going to have issues. He was a loner, considered 'weird' and most importantly, started killing animals. Usually when someone has a disregard for the suffering of things we have power over, aka other living forms, there is something that has taken a turn for the worse.
Already what has been painted here is a tragic portrait. Little to no support systems, his first parents let him go for whatever reason, and his adopted parents have died.
The point is, had society taken even an ounce of interest in Nikolas Cruz, there wouldn't be 17 other families grieving right now. The same could be said for Klebold and Harris. As for someone like Lanza, there are plenty of people living and functioning very well with Asperger's Syndrome, so that diagnosis within itself is not a predicate to mass murder.
The real tragedy isn't mental illness or how we approach it. It's parenting.
Parents today haven't been trained to understand what parenting is really about except by their parents. Not everyone knows what they're getting into, nor are they aware of just how much UNSELFISHNESS is required. We're winging it at best, me included, and on any given day, depending on our mood or the events of the day, we present our children with many confusing messages that they can't always understand or respond to with proper communication. Add to that less hours spent at home due to more hours to make the same wages, and you have a country that doesn't prioritize the family anymore.
Not. At. All.
I see it every single day: Parents yelling at their children to stop crying. Why? Kids cry. It's what they do when they're upset because most can't convey those feelings in words. Does it make you uncomfortable as a parent? Does it insult your male ego to see your boy cry? I see parents shun their kids for complaining they're hungry. Maybe the child just wasn't hungry when you wanted them to eat. As a parent, why don't you have snacks prepared for when you leave the house -- kids are unpredictable. You bring water most places don't you? Why don't you have a diaper or emergency bag full of things? I see parents yank their child across a room, or command their child with such disdain that I can't understand just what message they think their child is receiving from them, because it isn't one of patience or love.
To be fair, these are judgments that might be incorrect overall. Maybe the child had been misbehaving for a long period of time and needed a good talking-to. Maybe the child wouldn't eat at home and the parents are frustrated that now they are whining about food. Maybe they have to be somewhere and the parents are left with the last resort of dragging them out of the supermarket or restaurant. Regardless, those actions leave marks on the kids, and when we as parents lose control as the adult in the situation, how do we think our kids are going to respond in the future? And almost all of it is our lack of planning, lack of preparation or worse, lack of dedication to our kids.
Until we understand that any child, mine or yours, under the right circumstances can turn into a Nikolas Cruz, we are denying reality. This 'monster' as people have called him -- well look at him-- if you didn't know any better from his picture above you would think was a pretty decent looking kid. He even reminds me of a young Jake Gyllenhaal.
That's the tragedy. His life and the lives of all those families are forever ruined because someone didn't give a crap about him until it was too late. And the same can be said for most of the mass shooters out there.
Let's point the finger not only at guns, but at ourselves. Let's stop throwing a panacea out there called mental illness and make a promise to try to understand the mind of our three-year-old or ten-year-old.
Let's all make a promise to parent better. Love your kids more. When you catch yourself getting frustrated, take a deep breath and remember you are the adult in the situation. You are the leader and your child depends on you.
I fail at this all the time. And I work on it daily.
Let's make a commitment to be better, more loving parents. We're all our kids have. Let's make sure they grow up compassionate, caring and kind human beings, and not neglected, abused or discarded.
No one is born a monster. They're people. But they sure can be turned into one.
The act they committed was PURE EVIL or MONSTROUS. The person wasn't. What they did was HORRIFIC. How they got to that choice is tragic. Each of these perpetrators is a sad tragedy of a society that is failing its children every single day.
Take for example Nikolas Cruz. He was adopted. Right from the start, for whatever reason, his birth parent or parents didn't want him. His adopted father, Robert Cruz, died in 2004. His mother had died in November 2017. So now he's lost two sets of parents. His math teacher said he was a quiet kid but caused absolutely no problems. Since his mom died, he had been living in a friend's house due to being unhappy at home. Don't know who was looking after him. Today, I heard in a story that his adopted mother used to keep the refrigerator and pantry under lock and key -- a rather ominous idea if I've ever heard one. There were other warning signs that Cruz was going to have issues. He was a loner, considered 'weird' and most importantly, started killing animals. Usually when someone has a disregard for the suffering of things we have power over, aka other living forms, there is something that has taken a turn for the worse.
Already what has been painted here is a tragic portrait. Little to no support systems, his first parents let him go for whatever reason, and his adopted parents have died.
The point is, had society taken even an ounce of interest in Nikolas Cruz, there wouldn't be 17 other families grieving right now. The same could be said for Klebold and Harris. As for someone like Lanza, there are plenty of people living and functioning very well with Asperger's Syndrome, so that diagnosis within itself is not a predicate to mass murder.
The real tragedy isn't mental illness or how we approach it. It's parenting.
Parents today haven't been trained to understand what parenting is really about except by their parents. Not everyone knows what they're getting into, nor are they aware of just how much UNSELFISHNESS is required. We're winging it at best, me included, and on any given day, depending on our mood or the events of the day, we present our children with many confusing messages that they can't always understand or respond to with proper communication. Add to that less hours spent at home due to more hours to make the same wages, and you have a country that doesn't prioritize the family anymore.
Not. At. All.
I see it every single day: Parents yelling at their children to stop crying. Why? Kids cry. It's what they do when they're upset because most can't convey those feelings in words. Does it make you uncomfortable as a parent? Does it insult your male ego to see your boy cry? I see parents shun their kids for complaining they're hungry. Maybe the child just wasn't hungry when you wanted them to eat. As a parent, why don't you have snacks prepared for when you leave the house -- kids are unpredictable. You bring water most places don't you? Why don't you have a diaper or emergency bag full of things? I see parents yank their child across a room, or command their child with such disdain that I can't understand just what message they think their child is receiving from them, because it isn't one of patience or love.
To be fair, these are judgments that might be incorrect overall. Maybe the child had been misbehaving for a long period of time and needed a good talking-to. Maybe the child wouldn't eat at home and the parents are frustrated that now they are whining about food. Maybe they have to be somewhere and the parents are left with the last resort of dragging them out of the supermarket or restaurant. Regardless, those actions leave marks on the kids, and when we as parents lose control as the adult in the situation, how do we think our kids are going to respond in the future? And almost all of it is our lack of planning, lack of preparation or worse, lack of dedication to our kids.
Until we understand that any child, mine or yours, under the right circumstances can turn into a Nikolas Cruz, we are denying reality. This 'monster' as people have called him -- well look at him-- if you didn't know any better from his picture above you would think was a pretty decent looking kid. He even reminds me of a young Jake Gyllenhaal.
That's the tragedy. His life and the lives of all those families are forever ruined because someone didn't give a crap about him until it was too late. And the same can be said for most of the mass shooters out there.
Let's point the finger not only at guns, but at ourselves. Let's stop throwing a panacea out there called mental illness and make a promise to try to understand the mind of our three-year-old or ten-year-old.
Let's all make a promise to parent better. Love your kids more. When you catch yourself getting frustrated, take a deep breath and remember you are the adult in the situation. You are the leader and your child depends on you.
I fail at this all the time. And I work on it daily.
Let's make a commitment to be better, more loving parents. We're all our kids have. Let's make sure they grow up compassionate, caring and kind human beings, and not neglected, abused or discarded.
No one is born a monster. They're people. But they sure can be turned into one.
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