DISCRETE or NOT DISCRETE, that is the question

Disclaimer #1: I am a relatively new parent.

Disclaimer #2: I am occasionally neurotic, occasionally over-protective and almost always more worried than I should be.  Parenting is a crash course in all things life.  From considering the diet of your child, to what you say and don't say, to how you choose your phraseology when speaking to a baby, then to a one-year old and on up the chain.  Do you want your child to behave the way you are, because he/she most certainly will.
 
I don't have any parenting answers that can't be found in the word "love."  Every time I see my child's smile, or his frown, or his questioning raised eyebrow(s), I am reminded that this little thing is completely and totally dependent on me.  He has no ability to take care of himself yet, and even when the day comes when he can, he'll still need me for advice, to listen to and maybe proffer and opinion on some of life's difficult questions and most importantly for love and understanding.

Two things I have learned quickly and the realization is so obvious it baffles me that others often overlook it:

1) If you want your kids to respect others you have to treat them with respect first. 

This is often ignored in a way that's almost humorous.  How can you instruct a child to say 'please' and 'thank you' when speaking to others when you as a parent don't do the same?  I have learned that even in the most trying times when my patience is running thin, that saying 'please' and 'thank you' when I ask my child to follow my rule is of the utmost importance.  Those that command their children nastily to SIT DOWN or rip something out of child's hands that he shouldn't be touching instead of offering the opportunity to PUT IT DOWN PLEASE, are missing golden opportunities to change the way they were parented; to give the child the gift of patience. 

In my brief life experience, nothing assists people who are successful more than the ability to stay calm and patient in the most trying situations.  This I know.

2) What goes on inside the walls of your house is sacred.

I have learned very quickly - something I admittedly had little of even at times in my thirties - which is discretion; to consider what I share about my family with the outside world, even with good friends. 

Admittedly, I'm way less than perfect, but in this world where Facebook, Twitter and all things media and self-promotion take place over better judgment, this is a rule that needs to be decided on by both spouse, agreed upon and stuck to.

A friend of mine not too long ago called me to catch up and had his two children (one under five, the other under one year) in the car.  He chose to share with me that his daughter in the backseat wasn't a very good soccer player and that his son (also in the backseat) wasn't developing as fast as they had hoped.  And all I'm thinking in this awkward moment is that these kids have ears.  I'm so sad for all of them.  Here is their dad talking about them negatively. Whether you think they're paying attention or not, they're in the car, and whatever personal angst you have because your children may not be growing up the way you initially planned, save it when they aren't in earshot.  You want to have this conversation privately, awesome.  But with them listening in?  At the same time, I naturally want to be there for him, reassure him and make sure his needs are met by me his friend.

Every parent is entitled to a moment of misjudgment.  It happens.  But it strikes me that our generation is the most self-centered, me, me, me, look-at-me generation ever.  Sadly, what comes with this is an inability to understand privacy.  Don't understand that?  Well, ever have a bad day and when you won't tell your friend what's wrong they actually get offended?  Or have such a bad day you can barely function and when you won't share your mood your friends guilt trip you because they'd share with you if it was the other way around? 

I mean, though I'm loathe to mention anything Kardashian, new mother Kim just posted a selfie of herself in a bathing suit for all to see, while at the same time sharing photos of her giant engagement ring.  Now do you think for one moment we can't all (and that the world doesn't)  make a judgment about what Ms. Kardashian values most over everything else?  And that her child won't value the same things, while at the same time having about a one in one million chance of being as good-looking and making money the same way her mom does?  And if her child grows up valuing these things above all others how will she reconcile her abilities if they don't include a great body and model looks?

Now, to be fair, part of this is how Kim makes her living now.  She's a public figure and her image is her boobs, her ass, and all about her look(s).  It's a mixed bag to say the least, but doesn't everyone already assume she and Kanye West (and his behavior you could write a novel about), who named their child "North" as a cutesy and unique play-on-words, are parenting question marks to say the least?  Ever watched Kim's Mom Kris Jenner?  See any connections?
 
Privacy.  It's a rare commodity.  And once it's broken, it can't be undone.  And when I see or hear parents writing things in public forums their children or their child's friends could easily find, or I hear parents talking to their kids viciously because their patience has gone, I am reminded to take that deep extra breath, shut my mouth, and look into the eyes of my child closely; to realize he is his age, and often he's doing what he does because that's what children do.  I am the adult.  I have choices.  I can choose to be kind.  I can choose to take a moment before whatever fear pushes me to say something in front of my son I can't take back that will do tons of damage later on.  I can choose to always be polite to my child, so that he will learn being polite isn't some air you put on as a show, but is a way of being. 

I want him to know that to be kind is a way of being.  It's not just about convenience because if it is then you're fooling yourself and your child, who in turn, will fool no one else.

Good luck in all your parenting endeavors.  And for those that chose not to be parents, sorry, but I think you're missing out on the greatest journey ever.